more thoughts.

so that's two unfinished blogs now.

that relationship thing still bothers me, and I have a feeling it always will. Yeah, i've prayed for answers and help, but being patient is hard. I have waited eighteen years. Is that not long enough? Well for God that is nothing! That is not even a blink of an eye for him.

these are the words from my computer journal. I felt that I should just publish them somewhere, but i wasn't quite sure. but then i remembered about this thing:

"this world is tough on every aspect of our lives. we can't live one day without thinking what the world has to say about our actions or hearing back from the world what she thinks about what we do, say, wear, act like, look like, smell like, eat, the list could go on.

so i sure haven't journaled in a while. I am at baylor now! five weeks of school. It is been pretty crazy. this experience i hope and pray with mold me and change me into a smarter, wiser person. I have been going through some tough times in my mind. It like to wander a lot. And if i give it enough time it starts to make me a little depressed. When i give my mind time it automatically starts to think about a guy, and the fact that i have never had a boyfriend. I have started falling for someone a little more than planned: ...

I just don't know how to talk, act, present myself in front of guys.

The world is a beat down. I am tired of having to be a somebody; yeah i want to make it well in the world but ugh. i don't know what i am trying to say.

I just hate all the pressure of the world over my shoulder. people always there to say something about whatever they want to and they don't care about feelings or whom they impact. yeah, i know that i have not always been the nicest person in the world; i know, and will admit it, that i have said some rude things, but I at least acknowledge my wrong doing and say sorry [most of the time]. and sometimes we can say something and not even know they have deeply impacted somebody, for good or for bad. I might of done that too, but I have no idea. Almost everybody has an impact on someone."

and that is where i left off. My mind went blank.

This song just came on and it is quite amazing!

"I wish you were more convincing

or I wish i were gullible

Is there a point that i'm missing

or is it just too subtle?"

gullible by jillian edwards.